The dam has broken
Christine McVie's death released the floodgates
I’m a pretty tough critter.
When the chips are down I’m the best friend you’ll ever have. I’ll have your back in a way that deep in your bones you know that you’re valued and protected.
But when the chips are down for me, I’m so staunch that it takes a lot for me to feel anything other than unfathomable anger. It means it’s hard for people to have my back. It means I’m not my own best friend. This has consequences. Mentally and physically.
In the last few weeks I’ve had an unexpected bit of bad news to do with my health. That I received the news on my 60th birthday has no doubt added to the pathos.
I’m not about to die (as far as I know) but it’s bloody inconvenient, time-consuming, and a tad scary. Millions have been there before me, and they’ll be many millions after me. That’s the rational, stoic view.
What’s been going on in the subterranean realm of my psyche has been less clear. The aforesaid anger has been steadily bubbling up like a Maui vent, and the magma has been singeing those closest to me. Fortunately for me, I chose my life mate well. Very well.
I think we all know anger is just hurt and loss turned outward. Christ, when I have 20,000 spare years, I must look at that. Until then, I have Christine McVie’s death to act as a proxy for a burst of wet water finally falling freely down my face.
Every member of Fleetwood Mac has brought something unique to the band. Classically-trained Christine McVie brought class. Her voice, her discipline, and her soul was squarely mixed with being one of the greatest songwriters. Ever.
She’s been in my life - your life - since forever. Rumours was playing the first time I ever fell in love. Songbird was playing at a funeral decades later when said love was buried deep in the orange Australian earth.
If it takes the demise of the superb Christine McVie to make my tears flow, then I’m gonna’ take it. God only knows when it will come around again.
So, today I’m grateful for her, and grateful for a break from the rage. And I’ll never stop listening to her. Over and over.
R.I.P. Chrissie. 1943-2022, but eternal. Like all of us.
This is a copy of my reply to Rachel's email about the post. I was deeply moved by it.
Rachel, please forgive me for repeating it here. I wanted to be sure you saw it, for you deserve to know how much you are appreciated, not only by your faithful supporters, but by some like me who sometimes are at odds with you. Respect.
Here it is:
That's a real tribute, Rachel. Thanks for your honesty.
And the songbirds keep singing
Like they know the score
And I love you, I love you, I love you
Like never before, like never before,
Like never before
She wrote that, Rachel, as I am sure you know. And sang it so achingly well that I'd feel rather cross if anyone attempted it. Well, nearly anyone. k d lang could probably cut it.
Sobering to hear of your medical trouble. I've a couple of my own - double inguinal hernia and on the interminable waiting list purgatory that pases for action in the fantasy land of politicians. And now bradycardia, arythmia and uncharacteristic hypertension. I, who have basked all my life in the smug fool's paradise of a 120 over 80 BP, 60 per minute pulse rate and blood oxygen saturation of 98 per cent minimum. Thought I was bulletproof!
But here's the point. 77 years of self-indulgence, heavy smoking for over 50 of them, regular drinking and carnival behaviour too often. No room for complaints there, my friend. Neither excuse nor reason to play the not fair poor me game. And more, all prognoses are good, the root causes are being addressed, and I'm feeling good.
You're too young to compete in the old fart slide to the undertaker. Get well, Rachel. I want to enjoy your columns, your wisdom, and our occasional remote internet disputes, for the rest of my life. Should I find myself outlasting you, that would indeed give me reason to say "It ain't fair. We wuz robbed!"
Best
John.
Real grief is a good companion when you need her. She appears when you least expect her but not always when you think she should.
Go well in with your medical challenges